Navigating the Quiet Struggle of Infertility
By Sophie Cohen
“Do you have kids?” It’s a question that seems harmless enough at first glance, but for those facing infertility, it can feel like a loaded one. I remember the first time my friend Allison and her husband, facing infertility, were asked that question during a family gathering. She called me in tears to share just how painful that question was to her. Having been in her shoes years prior, I knew exactly how she felt. Social gatherings and events can feel bittersweet when you’re struggling with infertility, often highlighting what feels out of reach.
In many religions, children are a divine gift. In Judaism, for example, the story of Hannah is often shared to inspire hope. Her deep, emotional prayers for a child—and the eventual birth of Samuel—are seen as a symbol of faith and perseverance. However, for those struggling with infertility, seeing families gather and hearing prayers for future generations can bring a wave of complex emotions. These moments may trigger feelings of isolation, frustration, or even guilt. The spiritual messages of hope and renewal can sometimes feel at odds with the very personal pain you’re carrying. It’s important to recognize that your journey and emotions are valid.
Allison’s mind raced—does she give a polite “no” and move on, or does she open up about the journey she’s been on, the quiet heartbreak behind her smile? I later became part of an organization where, as the coordinator of Seeds of Hope, a program by Jewish Community Services, I was able to offer support and resources to her and her husband. The program aims to inspire hope and reduce the stigma surrounding infertility.
It’s easy to feel like you’re the only one going through this. After all, conversations about infertility, pregnancy loss, and stillbirth are often hushed and hidden beneath the surface. But the truth is, many within our own community have similar experiences. These struggles don’t discriminate and can affect individuals and couples from all walks of life.
Seeking Support
One of the most powerful things Allison learned on this journey, however, is that you don’t have to face it alone. Opening up—whether to a close friend, a family member, or a support group—can help you release some of the weight you’ve been carrying. When we keep these struggles to ourselves, they can feel insurmountable, but the simple act of sharing your experience with someone who truly listens can offer relief and comfort.
Finding even one person who understands can create a sense of community that eases the burden. It’s in these connections that healing begins.
Building a Circle of Compassion
The path to parenthood, for some, is not straightforward. It might involve fertility treatments, adoption, or even the difficult journey of coming to peace with childlessness. But no matter where your path leads, it’s essential to find those who will walk alongside you, offering compassion, understanding, and hope.
Moving Forward
Lingering sadness or frustration can surface unexpectedly when you’re dealing with infertility. That’s understandable. There is no one “right” way to navigate this journey. What’s important is that you don’t have to do this alone. There is a community available to support you.
To learn more about Faces of Fertility Journey, an initiative of the JCS Seeds of Hope program that offers community members an opportunity to share their fertility journeys, click here.
Sophie Cohen is a Program Coordinator of Seeds of Hope at JCS.
Jewish Community Services (JCS) provides programs and services for people of all ages and backgrounds, helping them achieve their goals, enhance their well-being, and maximize their independence. To learn more, visit jcsbalt.org or 410-466-9200.
