When Someone You Know Is Depressed

By Donna Kane, MA

Has someone ever confided feelings of depression to you? This is not at all uncommon.  But when those feelings persist and impact a person’s health and well-being, it may be necessary to seek help.   As a concerned friend or family member, you may wonder how serious the depression is, and you may feel the need to encourage the person to seek treatment.  But often that is not an easy thing to do.

The National Alliance on Mental Health reports that depression affects more than 6.5 million adults.  This illness can impact a person’s physical and emotional health, employment, family, and friendships.  Depression can be tricky.  Many of the symptoms can be misinterpreted or mistaken for other things.  For example, have you ever had a friend who began to cancel on you repeatedly at the last minute?  Have you worked with someone who began to call in sick frequently and began to do less and less when in the office?  Perhaps you have a friend who has become a “kvetch,” always complaining about an ache or a pain.  All of these behaviors can be the results of depression.

It can take some time before friends and family recognize that someone they care about is depressed.  It can take even longer for the depressed person to find the strength and courage to seek help.

According to doctors at the Mayo Clinic, depression can be identified when the symptoms persist for more than two weeks and include feelings of sadness, irritability, a loss of interest in activities, insomnia or excessive sleeping.  A person may think more slowly, move more slowly, be indecisive, and experience decreased concentration. In severe cases there may be thoughts of suicide or self harm.

What can you do as a friend or loved one to encourage the person affected by depression to get help?  Xaviar Amador, a clinical psychologist and the author of the book, “I Am Not Sick.  I Don’t Need Help,” offers these suggestions:

  • Be gentle and remember that a person who is depressed feels very vulnerable.  It is probably not helpful to tell the person to “get a grip” or “pull yourself together” because he or she may not able to do so at that time. It is okay to share your own vulnerabilities.  This will help to reduce any shame the person may feel about being ill.
  • Do not try to reason with the person.  Focus on a part of the problem that he can see and ask him to get help for that.   For example, if a friend or loved one is having difficulty sleeping or problems concentrating, ask if he will seek help for those problems.
  • Ask the person to get help for your sake, because you are concerned and you want her to feel better.  Amador suggests that if the person will not get help despite your concern, maybe you can convince her to get help based on the strength of your relationship.

Depression is a serious illness.  Recognizing that someone you care about needs help, and having the courage to discuss your concerns, may just be the push needed for a person to acknowledge his or her depression and seek help.  The good news is that depression can be treated, often through a combination of medication and psychotherapy.  The earlier it is diagnosed and treated, the sooner the person can begin to recover.


By Donna Kane, MA, Community Liaison, Access Services, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

October is Depression and Mental Health Month.  For more information about Depression, click here. If you think you or someone you know may be affected by depression, the professionals at JCS can help.  Call 410-466-9200.

To learn more about how JCS can help you solve life’s puzzles, visit www.jcsbaltimore.org or call 410-466-9200.  Jewish Community Services is an agency of THE ASSOCIATED: Jewish Community Federation of Baltimore.

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