By Sophie Cohen
The Thanksgiving holiday is often seen as a time for gratitude, joy, and family togetherness. But if you are dealing with infertility, it can feel the opposite of what the holiday promises. The contrast between the countless, joyful celebrations and the deep emotional pain of infertility sometimes creates a complex, isolating experience that can feel impossible to navigate. It is further complicated by the fact that infertility is one of those silent struggles that is often invisible to others.
Family gatherings and festive traditions come with the expectation that you’ll be filled with gratitude. For someone who has been struggling with infertility, the concept of gratitude can feel inauthentic and painful. Constant reminders of the family dynamics that are out of reach, the children you do not yet have, and the pregnancy you long for can make gratitude seem unattainable. You find yourself grieving while forcing yourself to smile through loved ones’ well-intended comments and questions – “So, when are you going to start a family?” Keeping your mask in place while trying to fight off your deepening sorrow can lead to emotional exhaustion that is hard to shake off.
While others celebrate their children’s milestones, create joyful memories, and pose for family photos, you find yourself caught in a cycle of grief and longing. If you are struggling and the thought of navigating these highly emotional gatherings is overwhelming, give yourself permission to skip events, to change the subject when well-meaning family members bring up pregnancy or to retreat when the emotions feel too much to handle. It is also okay to set boundaries — with yourself and others — around what feels comfortable. Show yourself grace and hold space for your emotions. You do not have to be happy when you’re hurting. Take care of yourself, and honor your feelings, no matter how complex they may be.
This Thanksgiving, extend empathy and understanding to those struggling in silence. Your innocent question about their plans to have a baby may be their pain point. If you know someone dealing with infertility, check in with them, acknowledge their pain, and validate their feelings. Avoid offering advice. Just let them know you are there to listen to them and meet them where they are.
Ultimately, holidays are about connection — not just with others but also with ourselves. If you are struggling, please know you are not alone. It is natural to grieve. It is okay if you don’t feel joyful. It is understandable if you are angry, sad, or exhausted. Your feelings are valid. That is why Seeds of Hope was created: to hold space in our community for those who find themselves on this journey, to make sure they know they are not alone, to raise awareness about how to support loved ones who are struggling, and to dissolve stigma and shame.
Seeds of Hope offers support and resources to individuals, couples, and families in Greater Baltimore experiencing infertility and family building challenges. For more information, visit jcsbaltimore.org/fertility-journeys.
Sophie Cohen is Program Coordinator, Seeds of Hope
Jewish Community Services (JCS) provides programs and services for people of all ages and backgrounds, helping them achieve their goals, enhance their well-being, and maximize their independence. To learn more, visit jcsbalt.org or 410-466-9200.
