By Sara Barth, LMSW

Honestly, I sometimes joke that you need a therapist just to process the stress of finding one; which, like most jokes, is about 50% true. That’s why I like to compare therapy to dating: you’re looking for someone you click with, someone you can trust, and someone who helps you grow. 

First Impressions Matter, But They’re Not Everything 

Sometimes you sit down with someone and instantly know you can trust them. When that happens, it just clicks, almost like magic. Other times, the connection builds more slowly. Maybe their style feels a little off at first, but over time you come to appreciate their perspective and approach. The key is to slow down, give yourself space, and remember you don’t have to decide after just one appointment. 

Compatibility Over Credentials  

A therapist might look perfect “on paper,” with all the right degrees and certifications, but that doesn’t guarantee they’ll be the right fit for you. It’s a lot like dating: someone can check all the boxes, yet still not be your person. What matters most is how you feel in their presence. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, safety is the foundation; without it, nothing else can really happen. The same is true in therapy: before you can do the work, you need to feel safe, comfortable, and able to trust your therapist. 

It’s OKAY to “Date Around” 

Just like in the dating world, there are plenty of “fish in the sea.” Therapists come with different styles, approaches, and settings; from traditional talk therapy to creative modalities like art or movement. The goal is to find someone whose style meets your needs and resonates with you. And yes, that might mean going on a few “bad dates” before you find the one. The process is part of the journey, and every experience teaches you more about what works (and doesn’t) for you. 

Communication is the Foundation 

Whether it’s therapy or dating, good communication is everything. Being open about your needs, boundaries, and what’s working (or not working) helps the relationship grow. Maybe you need more structure, or maybe you prefer more space to talk things out; your therapist can’t read your mind, just like a partner can’t. Honest feedback keeps the connection strong, and a good therapist will actually welcome it. After all, the relationship only works if you both show up and stay on the same page. 

Red Flags are REAL 

Just like in dating, not every match is meant to last. If you feel judged, dismissed, unsafe, or like your voice isn’t being heard, those are red flags. Sometimes the vibe is off and that’s enough reason to move on. Trust your instincts! If something feels wrong, it probably is. Therapy should feel like a safe, supportive space, not a relationship you have to “push through” just to make it work. 

At the end of the day, finding the right therapist really is like dating. You might meet a few mismatches, experience some awkward first sessions, and even wonder if the right fit exists. But when you do find the one, it changes everything. A good therapist offers safety, trust, and the kind of support that helps you grow into the best version of yourself. So be patient with the process, trust your instincts, and remember: the right therapist is out there, and the journey is worth it.